I don’t know if it is part of being middle-aged but I find myself thinking back on the past events in my life. Moments that makes me cringe, makes me blush and die from embarrassment now that I am looking back. Did I really mouth the words that a bride was supposed to say at my friend’s wedding while I was seated in the front, at the altar where everybody can see me? Um, yes, I did.
Was I really totally unaware that my pants were ripped as I was sitting cross legged on the floor, talking to people, underpants seen? The people who were looking into the window and giggling as they saw me should have been a sign, but no, I proceeded on until I accidentally brushed my thigh and looked down to see my turquoise granny panties displayed for everyone to see.
Did I really break up with my college boyfriend via a Dear John letter because I gave in to peer pressure? My college boyfriend of 3+ years was okay in the end but his family has basically shunned me and I am forever persona non grata in their eyes.
These are just some of the things that just randomly flash through my memories, like movie montages that suddenly appear in the middle of a movie.
But I was young then. And foolish and naive and didn’t know any better.
And I did what I thought was the best thing to do at that time, during that situation.
But it doesn’t make the memories go away. And the past is in the past but I wish there was a sieve, an off switch button in our brains that will make these kinds of memories go away.
Until then, I just have to deal with the cringe-worthy, face-palm embarrassing moments of my past.
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